Why You Do What You Do During Sex

Understanding what happens to your body during sex can explain all those nagging questions like, "Why does it take men so long to get hard again?" Or "Why is a woman's orgasm 15 seconds compared to mens 5 seconds".

Human Male and Female - Anatomical Features pointed out

Human Male and Female - Anatomical Features pointed out (Some rights reserved.)

While you are moaning, groaning, and laying back enjoying the ride, your body is checking off a massive to do list to make it all happen.

The brain hones in on the pleasurable sensations, while your sexual system works its butt off to create all the physiological changes necessary for arousal or orgasm.

The sexual response roughly divides into 4 phases. As always…knowledge is power. Understand the theory of what is happening inside the pleasure zone and you are one step ahead of the rest.

PS: Do not get too hung up if your body does not do what it is "supposed to" or deviates from the order.

1) The Excitement Phase

Nipples harden and become erect, breathing quickens, the skin may become flushed.

Him: Blood flows into the penis making it swell; the testicles begin to flatten and rise. As excitement increases, a drop of pre-ejaculatory fluid comes out of the top of the penis, nicely lubricating the area.

Her: The vaginal walls get tighter, causing a secretion of fluid that lubricates the vagina. Blood flows to the clitoris, making it enlarge, harden and protrude from between the vaginal lips.

2) The Plateau Phase

Heart rate, breathing, blood pressure, muscular tension all start to skyrocket.

Him: The penis reaches its maximum size, the testicles flatten and rise even closer to the body. This is the point where men need to stop stimulation immediately or be totally unable to control ejaculation.

Her: The vagina expands while contractions and lubrication increase. Increased blood flow to the libia and vaginal entrance cause the whole area to darken to a deep red/purple color.

3) The Orgasmic Phase

The nipples are erect, a slight reddening appears across the chest and genital, the heart speeds up, the bodies muscles tense, and the anus also contracts. While the feeling of orgasm is spectacular, the process of it is relatively simple.

Orgasm happens when the genital area cannot stand the increased blood flow. The body then "let's go" and the blood flows back into the rest of the body.

It's the instant release - the spasm of letting the blood rush back into the rest of the body and the release of muscular tension - that is the orgasm.

Him: The seminal vesicle is full and semen begins to flow upward, toward the head of the penis. This moment is called "ejaculatory inevitability". You could wave a million dollars in front of him and he would still be powerless to stop.

The penis contracts once every 0.8 of a second and semen spurts out of the tip. Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate processes: ejaculation is the physical part; orgasm is the feeling.

Her: The entire genital area is engorged with blood and the clitoris is erect. On climax, lubrication increases dramatically and the vaginal walls contract every 0.8 of a second - the same interval as penile contractions.

(To make up for his orgasms being more automatic and easier to achieve, Mother Nature extends the length of female sensation. His orgasm usually last an average of five seconds; hers last about 15.)

The uterus contracts and dips down slightly during orgasm. This also causes the mouth of the cervix to dip - directly into the vaginal cavity where he's spilled his semen, giving it a head start on its journey to the egg.

4) The Resolution Phase

The body returns to normal. Blood drains genitals; heart rate and blood pressure decrease.

Him: The testicles drop and become looser and larger. The penis returns to half its erect size immediately and to its normal size within 30 minutes. Few men can go straight from resolution to the excitement or orgasm phase immediately. Most men need a resting stage after orgasm, when the body relaxes and rejuvenates itself, refusing to become aroused until it has achieved both.

Her: The blood flows away from the genital area and the genitals lose their heightened color. The clitoris often feels extremely sensitive immediately after orgasm. Why? One minute it is engorged with blood, the next minute it is drained of it - so it has gone from one extreme to another. This is why skin can also feel itchy post-orgasm.

Brian Ayers is the author of "How to be a Better Lover In Three Days or Less" and the soon to be released book "Testosterone Wars: The Battle For Your Fountain of Youth". He is also the founder and President of Ayers Naturals which sales sexual health supplements such as Sorrelex and the aphrodisiac African Fly.

Copyright © 2007 Brian Ayers


Correction on previous comment: I am a bit dyslexic sometimes

...she would also show her appreciation for me THROUGH nice gestures but through which I wouldn't feel an obligation to perform...

...Very few days LATER, we had wonderful times.... (not only a few days)

Correction on previous comment: I am a bit dyslexic sometimes

...she would also show her appreciation for me THROUGH nice gestures but through which I wouldn't feel an obligation to perform...

...Very few days LATER, we had wonderful times.... (not only a few days)

To Melissa, (please notify her)

Although your problem might be solved here's my take:

I've been married for 8,5 years and recently I've experienced the lack climax/orgasm that you mention from your husband. Also a lack of libido was felt from my side, and I've read and analyzed the situation and the following questions could bring some good answers: 1. Is he in good health? 2. Is he doing everything as enthusiastically as he used to to before? 3. Is he stressed out? 4. Is his food natural, less processed, fresh, more vegetable, varied (cereals, greens, fruit) ? 5. Are you having nonsexual romantic activities that can foster a sense of appreciation in the partner and of your relationship?

Except for the 4th, we were scoring low and it took willpower and both of us admitted that we HAD to invest and reinvest in our relationship and in each other because we felt the longing to be together and spend intimate time together, but to make the physical encounter more pleasurable we had to invest to make everything else more positive as well, because sex is a part of a whole relationship, not apart from the relationship.

It proved difficult as I had a sickness that wasn't very visible, but took my energy out, and I was stressed a lot, and I didn't think so eagerly of the wonders that my wife has for me...To score back well she took a few more times explicitly care of me and for me in a few things articulating in clear words but with tenderness what she felt for me more than once a day, that would help me cope with the difficulties at work and she would also show her appreciation for me nice gestures bu through which I wouldn't feel an obligation to perform sex, underlining that our togetherness is important. Very few days, we had wonderful times, not nuclear and all, but far from lukewarm-to-cold.

Be positive and good luck.

I've had sex several times with several different men; however, I've never been able to experience an orgasm. Because i've been with so many people and so many different races of people, i figure this problem is because of me. I can climax after masterbating, but not with a guy. What am i doin wrong? Can a person really think too much, am i thinking too much during sex? Whats wrong with me??

I have an interesting question.I know that my husband is stumped by this too.
My husband has always seemed to have Great orgasms when we are intimate. In the past 3 months, every time he reaches climax,
he doesn't realize, nor does he feel the climax. I know that this really frustrates him. He says and I can tell that he enjoys the act of
foreplay, he says the building up to the climax is great and then, 'all of a sudden, it's GONE! Why would this happen, what can I do to
help with the situation. One more quick question, I really love the act of ORAL sex. I love to perform and to receive. When we were dating,
the oral sex thing happened every once in awhile, matter of fact, when we were first married, when I would go to bed, he would invite me to
sit up on his face. This hasn't happened for over 8 years. Even when I try to perform on him, he will tell me to come up to see his
face and that he is already ready and doesn't need help in that area. How do I get him to WANT to perform on me, I have tried to talk with him
about performing on me and he gets upset and just says that he's not that way. How come he use to enjoy it, now he wants NOTHING to do with it?
Please help me out here!

Hello, I have been wondering why when my husband and i are having sex, he want to feel me when i ejaculate, but i don't get wet at all most of the time, but he want to feel the wetness, which i can't seem to get wet while in the process of doing it but i do get the great feeling behind the act, but i feel like he is not always please because i don't have all the fulid coming from my body like he want me to, so what is the problems with me? why i don't have all the fluid when we are at our hightest peck.