Date Like Jane Austen - What Most Single Women Really Want Isn't A Rich Man - It's A Good Man To Love

Much as Jane Austen finds a Good Man for love, not a rich man that Jane's parents want her to marry in the romance-pseudo biography movie, "Becoming Jane," I want to offer single women tips on the Four Core Characteristics of a Good Man. These are the most important and fundamental areas of a man's character -- not his wealth -- that must be right in order for single women to find a wonderful, happy, loving relationship and marriage with him.

Anne Hathaway in the movie "Becoming Jane" (2007.)

Anne Hathaway in the movie Becoming Jane (2007.)

Have you ever lost the man of your dreams because of your family’s and friends’ advice: love is just temporary, so find a rich man? I almost did. But then I chose to marry for love, much as Jane Austen finds a Good Man for love, not a rich man that Jane’s parents want her to marry in the romance-pseudo biography movie, “Becoming Jane.”

Newsweek says, “Like BMW, Prada and Martha Stewart, she’s [Jane Austen] now a brand” (July 2, 2007 issue). I see the Jane Austen “mania” preceding the movie “Becoming Jane” as an opportunity for American women to bring more romance and love into their lives, making those qualities of a higher priority than Jane’s mother’s warning, “Affection is desirable. Money is absolutely indispensable!”

Here is my own personal and inspirational story of “love versus money” and the influence of my family on my own situation. My family was against my marriage, saying that Richard was too old at 57, 20 years older than I. He had no stable job, no savings, no pension, no stocks, no house, not even a car while living in Los Angeles. But I chose Richard, the first man who had ever said to me, “You’re pretty.” Later he added, “I love you,” another first for me.

I want to offer single women tips on the Four Core Characteristics of a Good Man. These are the most important and fundamental areas of a man’s character---not his wealth--- that must be right in order for single women to find a wonderful, happy, loving relationship and marriage with him.

Single women should not compromise at all in these four areas; your Good Man must show you that he possesses these traits:

1. He has good values. Although your Good Man’s values don’t have to align perfectly with yours, the fundamental values of honesty and integrity (with you and with others) should be a basic part of his psychological makeup.

2. He is aware, conscious, and responsible. As a conscious and aware person yourself, you see that real love and long-term happiness are unlikely if your man does not seek to understand the reality of any situation and then deal responsibly with it.

3. He is nice, and he is supportive of you. There is nothing worse for a nice woman than to be treated unkindly by the man she loves and treats so well. Nice men are nice to everyone because they are nice people. Your evaluation of how nice or not nice a man is will weigh heavily in your judgment of whether he is a Good Man for you.

4. He is positive, optimistic, and happy. Make sure the men you date, especially those you choose to sleep with and the one you choose to marry, are happy people, because a marriage to an unhappy (or depressed) man will be an unhappy marriage, guaranteed.

I want to turn Jane Austen’s mom’s advice totally around: “Financial responsibility and secruity are desirable, but love for a Good Man is in dispensable.”

Py Kim Conant is the author of "Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man" (Hunter House) and has published three books in Korean and has written a bi-weekly column for the Korea Daily in Southern California. Conant has appeared on radio shows nationally and has been featured in Real Simple and East West magazines, as well as in the Los Angeles Times. Conant teaches a class on “Get Married in a Year” for the Learning Annex and lives in Los Angeles with her happy husband, Richard. Conant’s website: www.AmericanGeishaHouse.com.

Copyright © 2007 Py Kim Conant